We began our lesson by reviewing our previous lesson, then we led into our class with the following statement ...
The underlying difficulty with self-discipline self-control and self-restraint is that it goes against what we want to do in the moment.
'In the moment' is the key here for I believe that 'outside the moment' we might not be as easily swayed. 'In the moment' actions are usually ruled by our feelings ... and that's what makes it so hard. Hence, our need to self-discipline, self-control and self-restrain ourselves.The three ‘self’s’ are not fun nor pleasant because in order
to self-discipline we have to deny ourselves.
Denying ourselves is not something we find easy to do nor enjoy nor
maybe even want to do. In fact, it can
be quite painful.
But look at the end results … ‘it yields the peaceful fruit
of righteousness’ when we allow ourselves to be trained by it.
What’s the purpose of discipline? To make us good and at peace
with others, self and God.
We then looked at how we manage our tongues and to make it more specific for each of us in the class (teacher included) we centered in on how we use our tongues when speaking to others about our husbands.
Let’s notice a few things about our tongues from James, chapter 3 and make them applicable to how we speak to others about our husbands …
James 3:7-8 … For every species of beasts and birds, of reptiles and creatures of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by the human race. But no one can tame the tongue, it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison.
Our tongues are difficult to control: James 3:7-8 Why? Because it’s fueled by our emotions. Luke 6:45 tells us it reveals what’s in our hearts. We must train and fill our hearts with things that are pleasing to God.
Do we look for opportunities to build our husbands up in front of others or are we quick to mention his faults in detail in front of others?
As wives, we have a formidable opponent, our tongue, and it dwells inside us ... literally!
We next turned to Luke 6:45 and looked a little more in depth about how our heart affects our speech ...
Luke 6:45 … The good man out of the good treasure
of his heart brings forth what is good; and the evil man out of the evil treasure
brings forth what is evil; for his mouth speaks from that which fills his
heart.
What are we as wives storing up in our hearts regarding our husbands?
We all know that we control what fills our hearts. Do we fill it with fellowshipping with other wives who continually complain about their husbands? Do we fill it with things that we know are not marriage healthy? Or do we fill it with looking for the best in our husbands, for ways to build them up, especially in front of others. We talked about the fact that our husbands are only men. They are not our Savior, they are not supermen, they are men charged by God with providing for, protecting and guiding their families to the throne of God. Christian men realize what a huge responsibility this is and we as wives can make their jobs easier by coming along beside them and building them up.
Our words matter, not everything we think or feel needs to be said.
Then we went back to James, chapter 3 for more info on our tongues ...
We can bless and curse with it: James 3:9-10
James 3: 9-10 … With it we bless our Lord and Father, and
with it we curse men, who have been made in the likeness of God; from the same
mouth come both blessing and cursing. My
brethren, these things ought not to be this way.
Do we bless or curse our husbands to or before others? Sisters, it ought not to be this way! In the end, we're not only hurting our marriages, others who might be influenced, our children if they hear it, and our husbands, but ourselves as well.
As wives, God gave us such power, the power to build up or tear down and the power to mold and affect future generations by how we use our tongues. This can be really hard at times, because just as our husbands are 'mere men' we are 'mere women' and neither of us are perfect. We so need God in this battle!
We didn't have time to delve into all the following verses on how we use our tongues, but I wanted them to know that God had plenty to say on the subject .... (this list is not a complete list)
Job 19:1,2
Proverbs 6:16-19
Psalms 34:13
Psalm 37:30
Psalm 39:1
Psalm 52: 2-4
Psalms 119: 171-173
Psalm 141:3
Proverbs 6: 16-19
Proverbs 10:19
Proverbs 12:18-19
Proverbs 13:3
Proverbs 15:1-2
Proverbs 15:4
Proverbs 15:28
Proverbs 17:9
Proverbs 17:20
Proverbs 17: 27-28
Proverbs 18:1-8
Proverbs 18:21
Proverbs 21:23
Proverbs 26:20
Proverbs 26:28
Proverbs
31:26
Matthew
12: 36-37
Matthew
15:11
Luke 6:45
Ephesians
4:9
Colossians
4:6
Titus
3:1-2
James
3:1-12
James
1:26
I Peter
3:10
We all agreed that mastering the 3 'self's' is hard, but maybe even a bit harder when it comes to our husbands because we know them so well. We know their faults and their good points. It's up to us which we choose to magnify.
We ended the class with ways to fight this 'rebel' that lives within each of us.
Once we are aware of an area that we need to work on, we can …
1. Pray for God’s
help, pray for wanting to do what God want’s more than what we want. Pray for God
to change our ‘wanter.’ (Father,
please change my ‘wanter’ to want what you want me to want.)
2. Study what
God’s word says on the topic
3. Try hard to be
more mindful
4. Memorize an
applicable scripture
5. Quote that
scripture when tempted
Next week, we won't have this class but will pick back up with our topic the following week. I hope there has been something in today's post that will encourage you in your walk with God.
May God be glorified in all that we do!
patsy @ From This Heart of Mine
In the spirit of Titus 2:3-5 and from this heart of mine ...
Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.
Thank you so very much--again--Patsy for all the work that's evident in this blog. So much of your time, heart and faith! So much mindfulness and care! I wanted to spend time with it before responding, and as if on cue, last night presented a perfect illustration...
ReplyDeleteWe were at Culver's, getting our drinks at the soda fountain. I get water. Anyway, a woman was there, gave my husband a tip about the root beer foam, and then as the conversation progressed, joked... "Well, we can't kill them." I knew it was a joke. I've also been around long enough to have family members and friends become widows. I know several widows and one soon-to-be. God forgive me, but I didn't laugh. Every day I thank the Lord for my husband. Every. Day. And for the time we still have to spend together. When I was young, I complained and joked like all the other women. How terribly naïve of me.
Your lesson this week is a reminder to me of what complaining actually is, whether about our husbands, grocery prices, the heat, or whatever. As mentioned, I want to be much more mindful of complaining in general and am coming to see that in a way it's as if I'm saying (in different words, of course) that it's not good enough for me. That what God has provided isn't good enough for me. That I'm unhappy or uncomfortable for whatever reason and am whining like a child. Now surely there are reasons when complaint is needed or called for, but those times are rare. I appreciate all the verses you've provided and your suggestions.
--Elise
Elise, what insight is evident in your comment!
DeleteFor some reason growing up I was especially aware when this was done. As a result, I made up my mind that if I ever married, I would not talk negatively about my husband to other women nor in front of our children, if we had any. I'd like to say that I never did, I did, not often, but still I did. I always felt such guilt afterwards.
Now as an older woman, I take every opportunity to teach younger wives and potential brides on this subject. It can bring such devastating results on so many levels and sadly, many of our 'older women' won't teach it. Older women have been charged with teaching younger women the whole counsel of God and not just the parts that make us feel good.
I glad you didn't laugh with the woman at Culvers, that took courage, good for you!
You're so right, when we complain, what we are in essence saying is that we're not happy with what God has provided for us.
Great comment!
This is my biggest pet peave! I will not however tell you that I am blameless. I was fortunate to go to a church as a young wife where this was strictly forbidden. I thank God every day that I still have my husband here with me. Sometimes it is hard to draw a line between talking bad about him and keeping watch over him and his brain injury because sometimes I have to be stern with him to make him stop and compose himself when he is in a group and gets too overstimulated and loud. Then I have to explain why I talked to him that way. Most of the time he can see it later and will thank me but it does make me feel bad that I have to talk to him that way. I am thankful that I did not have this responsibility as a young wife because we did not have the trust between us at that young age. God knew.
ReplyDeleteLana, yay for a church that strictly forbids this behavior. Sadly, today that church would most likely be taken to task.
DeleteOur culture has changed so much, and most people gravitate towards a church that makes them feel good over one that teaches the whole counsel of God. So many people are misled because they let their feelings lead them instead of God's Word.
I firmly believe that your responsibility towards your husband in the season you both are in, is totally different than the tearing down of our husbands we're talking about. As you said, God knew and knows and that is just so comforting!
My husband has needed the type of care for a good part of this year that he's never needed before. I have prayed and tried really hard to have a loving and patient attitude towards and with him during this time. At times, it was hard. Now that this season is coming to a close, I can see how this time has been a time of growing spiritually for me. I love my husband dearly, pray for him daily and asked God to help me be the kind of wife to him that he needs me to be and one that will help him get to heaven.
Your statement, 'I am thankful that I did not have this responsibility as a young wife because we did not have the trust between us at that young age' says so much about maturing together in marriage. That's another topic all together, isn't it? When we first get married, we think our love for each other just couldn't get any better. But as we mature together, we learn that it does indeed get better, and deeper and more mature and that the giddy, 'I could just eat you up' kind of love we brought into our marriages was just a drop in the bucket to what could be.
Great comment!