Self-Control, Self-Discipline, Self-Restraint: part 2

(Reminder:  the following are my class notes from a young wives Bible class that I teach.  They are not a complete lesson.)

We began our lesson by reviewing our previous lesson, then we led into our class with the following statement ...

The underlying difficulty with self-discipline self-control and self-restraint is that it goes against what we want to do in the moment.

'In the moment' is the key here for I believe that 'outside the moment' we might not be as easily swayed.  'In the moment' actions are usually ruled by our feelings ... and that's what makes it so hard.  Hence, our need to self-discipline, self-control and self-restrain ourselves.

Our verse for this session was Hebrews 12:11 (NASB)

For the moment, all discipline seems not to be pleasant, but painful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterward it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.

‘All discipline’ includes self-discipline, self-control, and self-restraint.  Let that sink in, we have a responsibility to control ourselves!

The three ‘self’s’ are not fun nor pleasant because in order to self-discipline we have to deny ourselves.  Denying ourselves is not something we find easy to do nor enjoy nor maybe even want to do.  In fact, it can be quite painful.

But look at the end results … ‘it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness’ when we allow ourselves to be trained by it.

What’s the purpose of discipline? To make us good and at peace with others, self and God.

We then looked at how we manage our tongues and to make it more specific for each of us in the class (teacher included) we centered in on how we use our tongues when speaking to others about our husbands.  

Let’s notice a few things about our tongues from James, chapter 3 and make them applicable to how we speak to others about our husbands …

James 3:7-8 … For every species of beasts and birds, of reptiles and creatures of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by the human race.  But no one can tame the tongue, it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison.

Our tongues are difficult to control:  James 3:7-8   Why? Because it’s fueled by our emotions. Luke 6:45 tells us it reveals what’s in our hearts.   We must train and fill our hearts with things that are pleasing to God.

Do we look for opportunities to build our husbands up in front of others or are we quick to mention his faults in detail in front of others?

As wives, we have a formidable opponent, our tongue, and it dwells inside us ... literally!  

We next turned to Luke 6:45 and looked a little more in depth about how our heart affects our speech ...

Luke 6:45 … The good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth what is good; and the evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth what is evil; for his mouth speaks from that which fills his heart.

What are we as wives storing up in our hearts regarding our husbands?

We all know that we control what fills our hearts.  Do we fill it with fellowshipping with other wives who continually complain about their husbands?  Do we fill it with things that we know are not marriage healthy?  Or do we fill it with looking for the best in our husbands, for ways to build them up, especially in front of others.  We talked about the fact that our husbands are only men.  They are not our Savior, they are not supermen, they are men charged by God with providing for, protecting and guiding their families to the throne of God.  Christian men realize what a huge responsibility this is and we as wives can make their jobs easier by coming along beside them and building them up.

Our words matter, not everything we think or feel needs to be said.

Then we went back to James, chapter 3 for more info on our tongues ...

We can bless and curse with it:  James 3:9-10

James 3: 9-10 … With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the likeness of God; from the same mouth come both blessing and cursing.  My brethren, these things ought not to be this way.

Do we bless or curse our husbands to or before others?  Sisters, it ought not to be this way!  In the end, we're not only hurting our marriages, others who might be influenced, our children if they hear it, and our husbands, but ourselves as well.

As wives, God gave us such power, the power to build up or tear down and the power to mold and affect future generations by how we use our tongues.  This can be really hard at times, because just as our husbands are 'mere men' we are 'mere women' and neither of us are perfect.  We so need God in this battle!

We didn't have time to delve into all the following verses on how we use our tongues, but I wanted them to know that God had plenty to say on the subject ....  (this list is not a complete list)

Job 19:1,2

Proverbs 6:16-19

Psalms 34:13

Psalm 37:30

Psalm 39:1

Psalm 52: 2-4

Psalms 119: 171-173

Psalm 141:3

Proverbs 6: 16-19

Proverbs 10:19

Proverbs 12:18-19

Proverbs 13:3

Proverbs 15:1-2

Proverbs 15:4

Proverbs 15:28

Proverbs 17:9

Proverbs 17:20

Proverbs 17: 27-28

Proverbs 18:1-8

Proverbs 18:21

Proverbs 21:23

Proverbs 26:20

Proverbs 26:28

Proverbs 31:26       

Matthew 12: 36-37

Matthew 15:11

Luke 6:45

Ephesians 4:9

Colossians 4:6

Titus 3:1-2

James 3:1-12

James 1:26

I Peter 3:10

We all agreed that mastering the 3 'self's' is hard, but maybe even a bit harder when it comes to our husbands because we know them so well.  We know their faults and their good points.  It's up to us which we choose to magnify.

We ended the class with ways to fight this 'rebel' that lives within each of us.

Once we are aware of an area that we need to work on, we can …

1.         Pray for God’s help, pray for wanting to do what God want’s more than what we want.    Pray for God to change our ‘wanter.’  (Father, please change my ‘wanter’ to want what you want me to want.)

2.         Study what God’s word says on the topic

3.         Try hard to be more mindful

4.         Memorize an applicable scripture

5.         Quote that scripture when tempted

Next week, we won't have this class but will pick back up with our topic the following week.  I hope there has been something in today's post that will encourage you in your walk with God.

May God be glorified in all that we do!

patsy @ From This Heart of Mine

In the spirit of Titus 2:3-5 and from this heart of mine ...

Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.

Self-Control, Self-Discipline and Self-Restraint

I teach a young wives Bible class on Sunday mornings and one of the young women asked me if we could study self-control, self-discipline and self-restraint, more specifically how to get or have them in our lives.  Of course, I said yes and started delving into what God's Word says on the topic.  It didn't take me long to realize that I too, needed a reminder on the subject.

Here are my teaching notes.  (Please understand that my teaching notes are just that and are not a complete lesson.) Feel free to add your comments or ask any questions you might have.  I may not have the answers, but together we'll turn to God's Word and find what He has to say.  I firmly believe that God's Word addresses every issue either directly or indirectly.

Without further ado ... my teaching notes on lesson 1 ...

We approached the subject with the following statement, 'Our self-control, self-discipline and self-restraint or lack of it affects every area of our lives' and then we shared our thoughts on it.   Then we talked about what lack of the three 'self's' might look like in real life ...

Poor Health ... Our health, to an extent, will be directly related to how well we control our appetites, take care of ourselves and control our laziness.

Poor Relationships ... Our relationships will be affected by how well we control our tempers, words, actions and in marriage, sexual desires.

Unfaithfulness to God ... we get to choose every day whether we remain faithful to God.  Do we control the influences that have the potential to pull us away from Him?  We also talked about Christians who neglect services for a reason that they would never dream of missing work for.

Poor Work Ethics ... dishonesty in the workplace, etc.

Self-indulgent living ... doing what makes 'me' happy instead of what is pleasing to God.

We used each of these categories as a springboard and had some really good discussion.

We talked about the fact that self-discipline, self-control and self-restraint is what we need the most but is often what we want the least.

We also talked about the fact that God needs self-disciplined men and women.

Then we looked at the following Scripture ... 

Proverbs 16:32 (NASB) … He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who captures a city.

Proverbs 16:32 (NKJV) … He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.

‘slow to anger’ … suppress' its motion and doesn’t let anger rule, doesn’t take or seek revenge, shows himself ready to forgive injuries

‘he who rules his spirit’ … controls his own desires, affections and passions

Patience is better than power, and controlling one’s temper is better than 'capturing a city'.

The person that restrains his or her thoughts and actions is far greater than he who wins a battle in war.  That's a powerful statement and shows us the importance placed on restraining ourselves in every area of our lives.

Sadly, our society and culture have become a 'me' focused world which flies in the face of all that God teaches us in His Word.

Victory over self is hard!  It calls for self-control, self-discipline and self-restraint.

Self is a worthy opponent and a strong enemy.  We should never underestimate self.

We wrapped the class up by sharing ways to have better self-control, self-discipline and self-restraint.  Some of those ways were ...

Being a student of God's Word.  God's Word is an excellent tutor and when we find ourselves struggling, we need to run to His Word.  I have absolutely no hope of conquering the three 'self's' without the help of His Word.  We talk to God through prayer, and He talks to us through His Word.

Prayer.  Admitting to God and asking for His help when we're struggling with the three 'self's' is crucial.  

Fellowshipping with other faithful Christians.  It's harder to make everything about 'self' when we have regular fellowship with other Christians.

We talked about what not having self-control, self-discipline and self-restraint might look like in one's life vs what having these three looked like in our lives.  We all decided that we would rather have the consequences of having the three 'self's' in our lives rather than the consequences of not having them in our lives!

It was a good class, and we left it knowing that we were not alone in this struggle and that there was hope and help for the journey! 

Next week, we're going to talk about controlling what comes out of our mouths ... self-control, self-discipline, and self-restraint definitely applies to what we say!

There will be several classes in this series, typically I will post them on Sunday evening or Monday of each week.  I hope you'll come back for more.

May God be glorified in all that we do!

patsy @ From This Heart of Mine